The A-list
Every year Campaign sends a questionnaire to some people that they consider to be the most significant in the land we call ad.
If you’d like to pretend you are one of them, here are this year’s questions, with one red herring that I popped in for a ‘laugh’. Can you spot it?
First name:
Last Name:
Company:
Job Title:
Work Phone:
Work e-mail:
When and where were you born:
What are your favourite media (including TV programme, newspaper, magazine, website):
What is your favourite app:
What would be your idea next job:
What’s your favourite ad campaign from this year:
When did you last snort a fucking fat line of charlie at an awards do:
Who are your three best friends in adland:
Who (in the industry) do you owe most to for your success and why:
Why do people like you:
What’s your greatest extravagance:
What (apart from children) is your greatest achievement:
What’s your idea of perfect happiness:
What do you think will be the biggest change in advertising over the next five years:
Dunno about you, but to me those seem like quite dull questions.
Do you have any better? Of course you do. That’s what the comments section is for.
Like they’d print their work e-mail – nice one – gottcha
When and where were you born: Sunny Manchester
What are your favourite media (including TV programme, newspaper, magazine, website):
All of the above
What is your favourite app:
Guardian
What would be your idea next job:
Porn star
What’s your favourite ad campaign from this year:
None
When did you last snort a fucking fat line of charlie at an awards do:
Don’t bother turning up to them
Who are your three best friends in adland:
Nobody. They all bore me.
Who (in the industry) do you owe most to for your success and why:
Me, for busting my balls for stupid clients.
Why do people like you:
They don’t
What’s your greatest extravagance:
The misses
What (apart from children) is your greatest achievement:
Waking up everyday
What’s your idea of perfect happiness:
Not having to wake up everyday
What do you think will be the biggest change in advertising over the next five years:
Don’t plan to be here in 5 years….
ha ha
‘what’s your favourite ad campaign from this year?’
that’s a good one, ben.
‘how many times, per day, do you use words such as engagement, content driven or building the brand equity, in a non-ironic context?’
‘how many people (in your industry) have you fucked, sucked, bummed or rimmed to get this far?’
‘which 3 people (4 if you prefer) would you most like to see savagely fucked by baboons before spending eternity writhing, wide-eyed, in the fiery pits of hell?’
‘who is(are) your favourite dealer(s)?’
I’m surprised they haven’t asked “Which current Editor of Campaign do you think is the sexiest, loveliest, most talented, current Editor of Campaign”?
Gotta say, any idiot can ‘have’ kids, it’s the raising of them that separates the wheat from the chav.
Er, a couple of questions that Campaign could have asked, what did you really want to/would want to call your kids? Macari bit the dust for me. Funnily enough a mate managed to get that one through.
And, if you had a time machine where, when and why would you go?
Nah. Can’t spot your question Ben. They all look pretty daft to me. But I’m guessing it was you that slipped “How many toilets do you own?” into the survey a couple of years back. The bottom of the barrel truly scraped.
Who did you suck off to get where you are today?
Did you swallow?
Did it taste a bit of bleach?
Are you basically making it up and hoping to fuck that you get out before someone finds you out?
Is it me or is Claire Beale possibly the most beautiful woman to ever appear in the pages of Campaign?
You’re not going to print this are you.
Sure, why not?
Q. Once the clean up operation proceeds after evacuating your bowels, exactly how many times do you wipe, and how many sheets of toilet paper do you use?
(extra points are added if they use a scented paper and a bidet).