If This Is A Blog Then What's Christmas?

‘Pick something that isn’t for your own gain and commit to it’:

(Thanks, D.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=3FOae1V1-Xg

(Thanks, D.)

Internet personalities are intriguing entities.

So often they spew forth cute soundbites that collapse under the slightest scrutiny.

Many times they offer up a view of the future that could be predicted by the stupider of my two cats (in case Tyler is reading this I’m referring to Dave).

Regularly they frustrate those of us who believe you need something substantial to support your ability to claim greater knowledge then the next guy/gal.

And that leads us to Santiago Swallow. You can read about him here but for the lazier among you I’ll condense the crux of that link:

Swallow is “a Mexican-born, American motivational speaker, consultant, educator, and author, whose speeches and publications focus on understanding modern culture in the age of social networking, globally interconnected media, user generated content and the Internet.”

He has almost 100,000 Twitter followers (and one of those natty blue ticks).

And he has a Kred influence score of 754 out of 1000.

But the most startling thing about him?

He doesn’t exist.

He was invented by Kevin Ashton as a sort of prank/experiment that exposes the depths (or lack thereof) required to become an internet ‘star’.

When I was told about Santiago (by Dave Dye. Thanks, D) I remarked that if you were down to your last £500 you could take this route to become a big enough internet personality/speaker etc. that you could make a living from it.

Anyone fancy trying that?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nMYeKjrFCo

Originality? Yes.

Engagement? Yes.

Strong idea? Yes.

Consistent with brand over long-running campaign? Yes.

Vaguely amusing? Yes.

It brings to mind an idea Paul Briginshaw and Malcolm Duffy had while I was at AMV. They wanted to show 55 seconds of people singing ‘I Will Survive’, followed by the Volvo log (or something like that). It never happened, so I’m glad something fairly similar has graced the airwaves 15 years later.

(PS: some people have asked about the ‘mystery’ post that was up here earlier. They mystery has been solved. The long, boring film was for the Geneva Motor Show. The above ad is the proper commercial.)

Shit taxidermy (thanks, A).

Very interesting explanation of nostalgia (thanks, G):

This guy (thanks, J):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeIgu3BQS7w&feature=player_embedded

Matthew Guy is trending on Twitter.

Painful nut shots (thanks, J):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-c8bv7e6EI&feature=player_embedded

Worst films at Cannes 2013 (thanks, G).

10-year-old kids reading Vice AU’s comments (thanks, J).

Hollywood dance tribute (thanks, G):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9l5TrAXScbE

 Facebook group dedicated to drawing dicks (slightly NSFW. Thanks, J).

Just funny (thanks, V).

Here are a couple of comments from last week’s blog:

What if your creative director tells you not to do it and you do it and you DONT win a D&AD Gold and sales DONT go up in fact…you just get bollocked for going against your CD’s superioriority. Guess what? You get fired and you get fucked with no job to go to. You’re not the Gold Pencil Winning maverick, you’re just the little prick that thinks he knows best and wont take proper direction. Sadly, this is not the 80s and we are not all Paul Arden or Graham Fink. This is a business. There are rules and hierachies. Its not making art. Like it or not you kind of have to follow them to a point.

You either stand in for what you believe (and get sacked with no job to go to) or just follow orders and produce shit like this.

I found them a bit sad.

On one side I can see where they are coming from, but on the other I worry that people approach the only life they are ever going to have in a way that leaves them so restricted in the possibilities they see for themselves.

Yes, advertising is nowhere near as fun as it seemed to be back in the 60s/70s/80s/90s, but that doesn’t mean you should go about your day producing mediocre work for fear of getting fired. That way lies a life of timidity, of squeezing yourself into corners in the hope that you will remain unseen. You don’t have to run around your department naked or throw plant pots out of windows to live a life of great light and heat. You don’t have to be Hendrix, Michelangelo or Shakespeare. You don’t even have to win a Cannes Gold.

You just have to see what your life could be and aim somewhere in that direction instead of hoping no one notices you for the next seventy years before you head off to feed worms.

I know, I know… You’re still sitting there mouthing ‘It’s all right for you, I’ve got a mortgage and a kid and a DVD habit that needs constant feeding’. I get that, but there are so many risk-free ways of realising your possibilities: instead of watching Downton Abbey, write it (writing is pretty much free – you can even get free pens in the bookies and write on stolen toilet paper). Instead of reading a novel, write one. Go and try an open mic night (being a stand-up is also free). Take photos with your phone and become a photographer. Start a blog. Draw, paint, master the lute.

None of that need get in the way of you writing crappy ads, but it could all lead to a life you’ll look back on with immense satisfaction and no regrets.

Quick – while there’s still time.

I went to see Russell Brand do stand up last week.

In between miming receiving oral sex from Hitler and explaining that Malcolm X used to be a rent boy he said something I really liked. He was talking about people getting offended and his take on it (said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world) was, ‘just don’t’.

Offence is in the mind of the offendee, not the offender. Of course some people set out deliberately to offend, but whether their intention is realised or not depends entirely on the person who experiences it; nothing is intrinsically offensive.

But by golly, offence is a massive industry. It gives us entire newspapers and TV shows (even channels, thank you, Fox News), religious murderers and censors and along with millions of disgruntled and unhappy people who arm themselves with the phrase ‘that’s offensive’ as if it’s the last word in any argument.

Yes, it’s offensive, but only because you’re offended. You could literally say it about anything, and people do: imaginary friends, vaginas, the word ‘shitwhistle’, the way people hold their knives and forks, smells, people from other countries, an ‘ugly’ view, unusual clothes etc…

And as Russell says, it’s all your choice and all in your head, and the more you find offensive the more unhappy you’ll be.

You cunt.

Update.

(Thanks, C.)

Howdy.

Another side projects post:

Old AMV chum Paul Pateman is having an exhibition/sale of his excellent new prints in the Sunday Times Style Pop Up Shop at 71 Monmouth Street in Covent Garden.

Very irritating that I can’t put them up on the blog, but click on the link then go and check ’em out for real.

Great behind-the-scenes movie photos  and great movie gifs (thanks, G).

Kurt Cobain met William S. Burroughs (thanks, L).

How to write a Star Trek script (thanks, G).

Beardvertising (thanks, J).

Typography addiction (Thanks, A).

The known universe (thanks, G):

Stupendous new Lonely Island song:

Funny yearbook photos (thanks, G).

Fat guy ate good (thanks, J):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJsKIExcgiY&feature=player_embedded

Principal Skinner’s ‘Nam flashbacks (thanks, G):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx2f_uRRFuE

Ahhhhh, remember 1986 (thanks, J):

Another fine Adam Buxton video (thanks, V):

Amusing recipe reviews (thanks, J).