Beards, Bellies And Baldness.

Life’s not fair on the fairer sex; they have to go through all sorts of obvious buggers that guys don’t (menstruation and its attendant stresses; the pain of childbirth; choosing motherhood over a career; can’t piss standing up without making a frightful mess; if they’re firm then they’re lesbianic harridans; if they’re soft they’re little puddles of pointless melted marshmallow that no one takes seriously; they’re valued disproportionately for their physical appearance but if they’re unattractive then they’re dismissed for being so, etc.) but there’s one more inequality that seems less obvious…

Some women spend much of their time and money on trying to looking younger and more attractive than they might naturally be. Plastic surgery, make up, hair highlights, the gym etc. are all a bit of a chore and often quite expensive. But what are the male equivalents?

Well, I’m sorry to say that, ostensibly, laziness and indulgence can be the way forward. I know of at least two ECDs who have been promoted to that position despite their youth. So, deliberately or not, they have both grown beards. This gives them a little more age, and therefore gravitas, with which to convey their bons mots in client meetings. So, basically, they don’t have to shave, which is the exact opposite of the ladies’ careful routine of Mac and Clinique.

When I worked at AMV there was an account man, who has since left, that went about this quandary in another way: he put on weight. This filled out his face and gave him a physical presence that belied his years. Again, this is the flipside of the dietary regimes that many women seem to put themselves through to maintain an ideal poundage.

Other men make a virtue of baldness, attaining a level of seriousness and respectability merely through losing their hair, whilst simultaneously removing another grooming inconvenience and expense (the hairdresser).

Well, bollocks: life isn’t fair. Women are advantaged in other ways like…um…shit…I honestly can’t think of a good one. Sorry.

Any suggestions that don’t include being able to rub their own breasts when the mood takes them would be wonderfully edifying for the mostly male audience of this blog, including me.

Thanks in advance.