For Freelancers, Or Anyone Moving Jobs

I’ve had this idea that could be vaguely useful.

I could follow it through, but as it’s unlikely to make me rich, famous or fulfilled, I thought I’d just put it out there and see if anyone’s interested:

With the greater degree of churn in ad agencies (people are getting laid off; the freelance market is growing) I think it might be handy to provide a cut-out-and-keep (or whatever the digital version of that is) guide for people who are joining agencies temporarily and would like to get up to speed with the essential info before they arrive.

If I could be bothered, I’d email friends at agencies and ask them to answer the following questions:

Agency local:
Nickname for agency local that if you fail to use you will seem like a bit of a twat:
Nearest EAT and Pret:
Nearest newsagent:
Name of creative secretary/PA:
Does the ECD have a sense of humour:
What time does he arrive/leave:
Where should I park bike:
Chances of it getting nicked:
Does the agency have a bar:
Does anyone use it, or will ordering a drink there make you seem like a bit of a twat:
Does anyone over 25 use the pool table:
Nearest cashpoint:
Any people that will try to befriend you like the billy-no-mates latching onto the newbies at school:
What are the loos like (can you hear the person straining in the next trap?):
What daily papers are available:
Is Campaign accessible on Thursday morning or will I have to beg for a dog-eared copy on Monday::
Buses and tubes that go nearby:
Hangover caff (bacon sarnie and tea for under £2):
Library of D&ADs:
In case I get in the lift with one of them and make an off-colour joke about Jordan, what do the agency upper management look like:

Any other questions, or anonymous answers that illuminate your agency can be left in the comments, as can sarcastic and withering mots amusants about whether or not there’s any point to the above.