Here’s Juan Cabral’s new ad for Eurostar:


In case you’re wondering, it’s shit.

But this blog does not deal in such besmirchificationary assertions without a bit of justification to back them up.

My biggest problem with it is: what the fuck has an idiot girl running around looking for talking animals got to do with taking a train from London to some city in Europe? Seriously, I like a slightly indulgent/nebulous ad as much as the next wanker but this is just crazy. It’s like advertising a bar of chocolate with a drumming…oh, wait….

Anyway, this is not Gorilla because it’s not interesting or memorable. It’s like watching someone smearing vanilla blancmange and skimmed milk over the screen while beaming Amanda Seyfried romance movies into your eyeballs, then getting a labrador puppy, covering it in Cecilia Aherne novels and getting it to lick you softly and non-committally until you weep with boredom. THEN putting a Norah Jones album on a loop and painting the planet a particularly neutral shade of beige while dressing you in Next clothes and shoving a rolled-up copy of the Mail on Sunday up your starfish.

Really, is anyone going to watch this (billed, incidentally, as ‘Eurostar’s first TV ad in three years’, like anyone gives a fuck) and think of taking a train to Europe? ‘Exploring is beautiful’ ought to be a line for selling LSD, not a boring journey to a boring place on a boring vehicle (although at least the ad accurately reflects the experience).

I fully believe that no one has led the creativity of advertising further in the last ten years, but compared to the rampant spanking that was ‘Gorilla’ and the lush, heartfelt snog that was ‘Balls’, this is like getting to a party and discovering that someone you don’t really fancy had to go home early with a mild cold.

Or something.