Shall we play spot the bullshit?

I was just reading this article about how movie marketing is going to have to change in the face of people watching their TV online after it’s originally scheduled.

Apparently, the problem with this is that the carpet bombing approach Hollywood takes to get the biggest opening weekend possible gets harpooned by their Friday ads effectively running on Monday when it’s too late.

Well, far be it from me to tread on The Ad Contrarian‘s toes, or to sound like a cranky old luddite, but some of this article doesn’t ring true to me.

Let’s take a closer look:

‘A recent study for cable giant Comcast found that 62% of respondents reported using DVRs, online sites like Hulu, or VOD.’ Now that sounds scary, but gives no detail of how much they do this and to what extent it affects real-time TV. I was actually surprised the number was so low, but it’s presented with the vibe that 62% of all TV viewing is done this way. The truth and the implication are miles apart.

‘Greg Kahn, executive vp business development director at media agency Optimedia, estimates that the Web portion of film-ad budgets has doubled to about 10% during the past five years. “I expect the digital component of movies’ media budgets to increase further,” he said. No shit, Gregory. You’d have to be a blind idiotic turtle to think anything else, never mind an ‘executive vp business development director at Media agency Optimedia’. Give that man a raise. But what had this doubled from? $5 to $10 or $500m to $1bn? The article doesn’t say, which makes me think the number is low otherwise it’d be worth shouting from the rooftops to back up the tone of Greg’s incredible insight. And again, the ‘doubling in five years’ strikes me as incredibly fucking low.

“What TV was in the 1980s the Internet is now,” says Peter Sealey, marketing strategy expert and CEO of the Sausalito Group, as well as a former president of marketing at Columbia. “The time spent by many in the core 18-24 movie audience on Facebook is higher than on TV. You’ve got to follow these eyeballs.” He predicts this fall TV season might bring “a diminished role of high-profile movie spots” on TV. Peter is another genius, although he’s very good at saying meaningless things that you can’t really argue with: “What TV was in the 1980s the Internet is now” How? What does that even mean? They’re both popular? As popular as each other? Engaging? Water-cooler-y? It’s almost as vague as “The time spent by many in the core 18-24 movie audience on Facebook is higher than on TV”. How many? And does that mean we can crowbar ads into their hours on Wordscraper without pissing them off? And ‘this Fall TV season might bring “a diminished role of high-profile movie spots”‘ Way to hedge your bets. What’s that, a 50% fall or a 0.000000001% fall?

‘So Lauer is trying to get the studios he works with to spend a higher-than-usual 2%-5% of their ad budget on such alternative methods.’ Hang on. A couple of paragraphs earlier it was 10%. And are we all stunned that Lauer wants studios to up the money they spend with him?

‘The best-known DVR producer, TiVo, has during recent years promoted special solutions to studios, offering ad placements throughout its DVR pages and features.’ I bet people love that. Buy TiVo to avoid ads then TiVo will stick some ads where you can’t avoid them to make up for it. It’s like buying a special mask to shield yourself from being pelted with human excrement, only to have the mask’s makers paste some shit into the front of the mask for when you put it on. Or something.

Peter Sealey assigned his MBA students at Claremont Graduate University this year to draw up a marketing plan for Sony’s upcoming “Green Hornet.” “If they show me a TV-centric campaign, grades won’t be that good,” he said. Yes, Peter: ‘Show me a campaign that uses the medium in which studios spend the vast majority of their money (presumably because it works to some degree. I’ve heard studios aren’t overly keen on wasting cash) and I’ll fail you.’

Oddly enough, though, Peter’s quaint approach to teaching is exactly that taken by many of today’s ECDs.

I can feel my brains leaking out of my ears…