Eat their words
I was in Sainsbury’s the other day (I wouldn’t normally shop there, but some crushed Bee Gee had nicked all the camembert out of Tesco) when I saw a pack of sausages described as ‘Butcher’s Choice’. I wonder what happened to qualify them for such an honour. Did – gasp! – an actual butcher choose the meat or sausages from a selection of other meats or sausages? And was this butcher a knuckle-dragging simian, whose most recent other task had been a dead-eyed and furious bout of onanism? Or perhaps he was the butcher from Fortnums, moonlighting in the Sainsbury’s abattoir for a few extra quid. We may never know the truth…
It reminded me that I often see additional words, particularly in the description of food, that have absolutely no real meaning at all.
1. Pan fried. Admittedly, there is another frying option (the deep fat fryer), but I think when we’re talking about sea bass or lamb chops the implication is fairly clear. In fact, it does rather smack of insecurity to think you ought to remove the possibility of deep fat fryer doubt. But at least it’s not as stupid as…
2. Oven baked. Have you ever baked something in something other than an oven? How do you do that? The dictionary says that it means cooking, especially in an oven, but it fails to specify where else you bake things. I think they might bake stuff in the sun in sub-Saharan Africa, but again, I wouldn’t really expect that to be one of the options when I’m eating at a gastropub in Camden.
3. Best-ever. I’ve seen this quite a lot on chocolate bars that have changed their formula slightly. On the surface it seems fine, but the implication must be that there is a possibility that a new iteration of the bar might not be its best-ever because, for some reason, they decided to make a slightly crappier one. Is that the case on all the bars that don’t have ‘best-ever’ on them? I think we should be told.
4. Limited edition. Kind of loses its cachet when it appears on a Kit-Kat Orange Chunky (limited to 342,221,937).
5. Homemade. So someone made this ice cream/cake/tart in their home, then brought it in to the restaurant? Who was it? Was it the chef? Why does he/she prefer to cook some things at home when he/she has a perfectly good professional kitchen to work in? What about all the hassle of bringing it in? Wouldn’t the ice cream melt a bit? Or did they just add a pointless adjective to that thing they got in a massive catering delivery?
I know, who ARE these people? Eh, Seinfeld.
I “like” things with “REAL TASTE OF”… cheese, chocolate, strawberry…whatever
I also “like” deep fried things that are “without GMO”, and heavily salted things made with GMO corn but “WITHOUT CHOLESTEROL”…mass products with “Gourmet quality”, and orange juice with “UP TO” 5.4% real orange.
But the thing they totally love here is: “exactly like your grandmother used to make it”- there is even a brand called Grandmother’s they make yoghurt and cheese. One of their competitors put on the market …. I am not making this up …. Grandfather’s…. milk….
Fine examples. I once worked on Cheetos, a snack that advertised itself as being made with ‘real cheese’. I had the cheek to ask what kind of cheese that might be. The Board Account Director was somewhat bemused by the question.
Hand-cooked, especially in regards to crisps. Those hands are gonna get pretty crispy too I reckon!
It’s clean, it’s fresh at Sainsburys. Was it Ben? Humm, was it? Could you taste the difference?
To say ‘Homemade’ is illegal unless it’s actually made in someones home so my friend at the FSA has said.
SO I guess someone lives in all the pubs we eat in.
The overuse of adjectives on gastropub menus is my FUCKING PET HATE.
I don’t give a fuck if your potatoes are crushed (apparently crushing costs three quid more than mashing) or your salmon seared (£6 dearer than a moments actual frying). Just get it on the fucking plate and get the fuck out of my face.
when it says only 4% fat. This is pointless unless they tell us how much fat there was in the first place? that could be more fatty than something with 50% fat.
there’s an opticians on Tottenham Court Road with a sign proclaiming ‘Eye tests while you wait’
is there any other sort?
It’s no longer enough to call beef just beef or cheese just cheese. Oh no. We have to know where it’s from, because somebody somewhere has decided it makes it sound tastier.
So supermarket shelves are now awash with location specific word feasts like Belgian Beef, Ghanaian Cheese and Algerian Potatoes.
Croydon Cauliflower, anyone?
Hypocrites the lot of you. It’s advertising.
if we’re talking redundant expressions then please also consider ‘free gifts’ and ‘added bonus’
there’s always a lot of wankwords around salads, they are often described as ‘fresh’ and ‘green’ ‘leaves’ as if there was a strong chance that you might otherwise be served rotting pink lumps of meat or something
of course then they have to ‘drizzle’ it in something. gah
It is advertising David, but it’s not good advertising. I reckon most people who read this blog strive to come up with more intelligent words to describe their product. I hope so anyway, otherwise we’re all fucked.
Not food, but there’s a real trend for sports brands to pair up adjectives for impact. Occasionally it works, mostly it looks odd.
Also, hand-tossed… is there any other way to toss something? and this kind of doesn’t fit in.. but new, how much newness can we handle?
Not just us humans Ben.
http://www.kennelgate.co.uk/item/Pet-Bakery/Pet-Bakery-Shortbread-Cheese-Paws-Treats-for-Dogs-5-x-290g/9TA
“Cheese Paws – your dog will think you baked them yourself”
Do you really think so?
(via Glinner)
It’s everywhere. I took a brief for a development of ‘architect designed mews homes.’ So much better than those designed by greengrocers or gynaecologists…
What about ‘new improved recipe’? It’s a new recipe all right but never in the history of the world has there been any form of improvement. The exact opposite in fact, in every case. It should say ‘new recipe that we worked out will increase our margins so if you liked it before tough shit’ but they’re unlikely to go with that.
‘Full of country freshness’ is a good one.
Thing is, isn’t the countryside full of cowshit and petrochemicals?
I willy toss my salads.
I would love a home designed by a gynaecologist. At least you know it’d be warm.
@ ORH – Wallpapered via the letterbox.
I’m glad I’m not David.
Home-made, doesnt it just mean they made it from start/scratch ingredients and didn’t cheat by buying a ‘pre-made pizza base’ – for example.
If it says homemade soup, I know it won’t be out of a can.