Ad Euphemisms
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On Twitter today a CD friend of mine said that ‘still in the mix’ actually means ‘no one is taking that idea seriously anymore’.
Nice.
Others:
It is what it is = It is shit
The director’s working on a movie = He’s watching Jeremy Kyle but he doesn’t like your script
Can we see how it works in digital? = We’d like it to die
We haven’t heard back yet = Dead
Interesting (1) = Pretty good
Interesting (2) = shit
Keep going = I hate what you’ve done so far
Can we get more time on this? = Your work smells of poo
Any others?
It’s more of a second phase idea = It’ll never happen.
It’s on hold until next quarter: Unlike you.
I like it, but what if we just… = I can’t like it until I’ve changed it a bit
This is just off the top of my head = I know that idea was shit but please don’t judge me for it
So tell me how that works again? – too fucking complicated
That’s a great thought, how would you articulate that in one line? – what’s the fucking idea
The CD needs to push the meeting on this – The CD couldn’t give a flying fuck about this job and needs a hand massage
It reminds me of one of those classic ads – it’s a simple tv or poster idea without all that integrated crap I’m still struggling to get my head around
Why don’t we run it past finance and see if they get it – I am a fucking moron, but I’m not sure if everyone else is
It’s one for the idea bank = RIP your idea
It didn’t take long for the idea to spread = it didn’t take long for us to construct some bogus case study featuring the tweets of junior suits posing as punters
These aren’t the words but = The client’s had a bash at your copy and you’re going to use it word for word
Move to Australia, it’s a much better system.
That’s shit: that’s shit
Nup: that’s really shit
Have you got any more: they’re all shit
Sorry I thought you were joking: that’s so shit I can’t believe you presented it
That’s good: let’s present it
That’s interesting: that’s interesting, but needs work to make it less shit
Fucking love it: it’s awesome
Maybe: you need to buy me a beer to convince me
Lets get it out the door: it’s shit but we’re not going to tell anyone we did it, similar to ‘let’s make some money on this one’: let’s not fuck around wasting our time when we know it will be shit anyway.
Much clearer 🙂
We are still thinking about it = you are still thinking about it but we’re not.
If you do this one on the cheap there will be more around the corner=there is nothing around the corner we have no money.
Well be in touch = How can I avoid this person, I hope they like talking to my voice mail.
It was close, you came 2nd = we stayed with the incumbent and have taken your ideas and prices to get a better deal with them.
It’s a great idea, but for a different brand = we like it but don’t have the balls to present it to the client.
Look at it as a creative challenge – It’s literally impossible to answer this brief (like a headline I had to do for Sky where I wasn’t allowed to use half of the alphabet because the letters hadn’t been created on the computer yet.)
Put it on the back burner – Where it will carbonise into ad vapour and float off into the void.
Can we just cover off the client’s version – Because that’s the one we’ll use.
Director at treatment stage: Before we start I’d just like to say I really like your script – I say that every time I present a treatment. I want your money.
Client: Do something really different – Don’t, whatever you do, do something different.
Account man briefing new freelancers: Thanks for helping out on this – It’s a class A fuck up. Please do something good.
It’s nice that = I think my idea is better
I’m not trying to be a dick = I’m definitely trying to be a dick
It’s one for the back-pocket = By back pocket, I mean stick it up your arse
It got the conversation going online (We posted it on Facebook and a few of our employees clicked ‘like’)
“Awesome!” = I really don’t know what I’m doing and I hope someone doesn’t find me out soon.
The client is trying to get more money for it = although we briefed you on a full campaign, you’re only going to make a print ad
We are where we are – Someone fucked up. You’ve got 3 hours.
“Absolutely, and to your point, I think…” = I’m about to steer things round to my point of view, but am going to make a token show of referring to whatever it was that you said.
give me a gorilla = say goodbye to your weekend
We don’t have the budget = we never had the budget but you’re on a retainer so we thought we’d waste your time.
@tom. haha. brilliant.
“The way I see it…” = regardless of your opinion, this is what you’re going to have to do, and I’m going to make the brief hell for you unless you do it.
Everyone’s creative = I’m creative
“It’s still on the table” = It’s as dead as dodo.
“Hmm. I can see where you got the idea.” = Unfortunately, you didn’t get it from the fucking brief, did you?
Here’s all the straight-talking truths without any sugary euphemisms:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go_VtqtxCHY
“Funny”= not funny
I think your way is best = Good luck
Good luck = You’ve got no chance
You’ve got no chance = now you know what it feels like
We’d love the directors take on this = We were too lazy to come up with an idea ourselves..
We’re looking for that unique voice = We want it to be just like that thing we saw on xyz-creative media.
WOW, this is great! We will keep it for next year when the budget will be different = This shit ain’t gonna fly
This could go viral : Why don’t you go and wipe your ass with that script ?
It’s hard isn’t it = it’s rubbish start again
Have you got a sec? = I’m gonna brief you on 6 new projects… due tomorrow
* In a script:
We open on a man sat at his desk = we open on a man SITTING at his desk.
We see a woman stood by the window = we see a woman STANDING by the window.
You’ve got plenty of time = need it by tomorrow.
We need you to work your creative magic on this = I’m a patronising cunt.
a suit to the creative:
sure, i will drop in a mail but i think it will be better if i could just take you through what the client wants = i know too little to write a brief for this.
I’m a composer so these are what I get:
Have fun with it = you’re not going to have a weekend
It needs to sound authentic = another fucking ukelele track sounding like a mix of Feist and Cat Power
Director says: Client doesn’t get where the music needs to be = you’re going to be writing another track for MY show reel for the same amount of money
It needs to feels uplifting = stick some strings in there
We’re working on a ‘pro active idea’ = you do our job and put together a creative direction for music with no guarantee of you working on the job
This campaign will have two different moods = you’ll be writing two tracks for the price of one