‘What? You found a job and you didn’t tell me?’

‘Sorry, mum. I waggle my fish supper in the faces of drooling, emotionally repressed twatcakes for €5 notes. Happy now?’

I dunno. It’s just that the craft is particularly poor: The direction, the dialogue, the bit where you supposedly think the mum is pissed off, but no; we live in modern times, so she couldn’t care less that her daughter works in the sex trade…

Am I supposed to buy a car because of that?

People often think I’ve got some kind of a downer on the advertising industry.

Those people are right, however, there is one area in which advertising excels: finding your other half.

If you don’t already know, I met my wife after casting her in a commercial that we then shot on the revolting island of Cozumel. We were engaged five days after we met (absolutely true) then got married in Las Vegas six months after that. November will see our tenth anniversary.

So we are living proof that meeting your husband/wife/gay version of husband/wife is something this industry can certainly facilitate.

I have no idea whether or not advertising is particularly adept at this, but I do know of many, many other couples who have met on the job (so to speak).

No offence to the guys in these situations but the one thing I have spotted as a consistent factor is that the ladies tend to outshine the men in the looks department (definitely true in my case). This may be due to the type of lady the industry attracts (pretty and bright), but it might also be due to the type of bloke who finds himself in working advertising. Perhaps the combination of cynicism, a creative outlook (I don’t really know enough about account person or planner congress to speak of it) and decent wages is something that proves irresistible to a lady. Also, many creatives I know are funny, and ladies love that, don’t they?

So if you’re a student or junior wondering if this is the industry for you, just hang on in there, meet your husband/wife/etc, then make a decision.

And a word of advice to the gents: TV departments and production companies are where the best ass resides.

If you have any tips for long term agency-based union, feel free to let us know.

After all, it can be a cold world out there without a little love.

PS: I literally could not give the first or last fuck what any of you think of the new look. I just did it because I was bored and the option popped up on Blogger. I only wish I knew how to make the poll bars legible.

Actually, fuck it: let’s put it to the poll.

Short one today. I’m busy.

This is a short chunk of film that has been made to persuade a studio to back the entire thing:

(Thanks, K.)

Interesting way to go about things, but I have to say that looks absolutely fucking brilliant.

If the studios in question are reading this (quite likely), then my £9 is guaranteed. £13 if you make it in 3-D.

UPDATE: here’s Ice Cube and Roots doing Straight Outta Compton last month at a rehearsal for Late Night With Jimmy Kimmel.

(Thanks, N.)

Actually, if you have something good you want to share with 1500 people, leave it as a comment and I’ll put the most interesting ones on the blog. If I get time.

Here’s one:

ACDC Vs Iron Man 2 – Architectural Projection Mapping on Rochester Castle from seeper on Vimeo.

Cliches get a bad press, don’t they?

Boring as batshit.
Dull as ditchwater.
Familiarity breeds contempt (by the way, when I was younger, I always thought that was actually ‘familiarity breeds content’. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Your favourite paper, a cup of tea, a good old Jaffa Cake…that’s content in my book).

But the sad thing is that many of them are absolutely brilliant bits of imagery that could teach us a thing or two about verbal expression.

I just finished reading this article about the good points of cliches. It mentions fit as a fiddle. Now, when would you ever come up with that as a metaphor? Never. It’s too odd.

What about cool as a cucumber? Whoever invented that one must have gone round on a cloud of delight for years afterwards. It’s perfect. It makes no sense while simultaneously making all the sense in the world.

Easy as pie. How is pie easy? It’s not that easy to cook. It’s no easier to eat than, say, cake, or toast. When you remember there’s the other kind of ‘pi’, it’s not even easy to spell. And yet it works perfectly.

I guess these sayings are so familiar they’re just there without being there, kind of like oxygen.

All hell breaks loose? Brilliant.
Make a mountain out of a molehill? Fantastic.
Scraping the bottom of the barrel? Excellent.

When I wrote Economist lines I used to use cliche websites to start the thoughts off, and that’s where ‘What exactly is the benefit of the doubt?’ came from.

Making the familiar appear unfamiliar can be as useful as the other way round.

There’s been a few comments on the post below concerning this ad:

I think it’s worth a post of its own for a few reasons, all of which will become gracelessly clear in the near future.

The first thing to make clear is that it’s a remake of this Alexander McQueen ad. That’s not me being controversial – they’ve used the same director and the two pieces of film are virtually identical.

Other points of interest:

1. It’s one of those ads where I have no idea what the script said. Um… ‘We open on that YouTube clip we just showed you, then stick your logo on the end’. Thanks for the cash, SUCKAZZZ!!1!1!1!

2. Knowing the odd recent history of this brand’s advertising, I’m somewhat surprised they shelved the Jonathan Glazer/Walter Campbell spot to shift the account and make this. It’s pretty dull, forgettable and meaningless. The other ad at least lived up to the Bernbach maxim: ‘If nobody notices your ad, everything else is immaterial’. It was a rip-roaring french tickler of a spot, all dirty looks and thinly-disguised innuendo. The one they’ve chosen to run instead is a vanilla blancmange that you don’t even know is a vanilla blancmange. You eat it then wonder if it was a particularly mild slice of Battenburg instead. If you get my drift.

3. I’m surprised Fallon have gone down the YT-clip-plus-logo route. It ill behooves their creative credentials, particularly at a time when they have lost so much business. All they have to fall back on is their creativity. It’s what built that agency in the first place. Chuck it away and what’s left?

4. Will it sell a bar of Flake? I really don’t think so. Obviously it’s aimed at lay-deez, so I may not be best placed to judge, but do any of the female readers of this blog really want a Flake after watching that? If I was a chick I might want that dress, though. It’s all frilly and expensive-looking.

OK, OK…it’s a joke.

That was a pisstake based on this French McDonald’s ad with a gay bloke in it.

I think it’s fairly dull, and the twist is poorly handled, but the most amazing thing is that it’s 2010 and it’s still news to have a ‘gay’ ad.

So I think it’s news that this is news.

Anyone want to find it news that I think it’s news that that ad is news?

Do you want to do excellent, award-winning advertising?

Well, I have the secret.

About ten years ago, Cliff Freeman and Partners started winning everything going by doing ads for (among others) Fox Sports:

Those two campaigns came out in the same year. One got the Cannes Grand Prix, the other got Best Of Show at the One Show.

There were loads more, then TBWA continued the run with Beware Of Things Made In October and those ones where people didn’t feel pain because watching ice hockey made them tough.

I’ve just realised I could go on and on with this for so long I’d type my fingers to bloody stumps.

The point I’m trying to make is that TV STATIONS ARE AWARDS MAGNETS.

BBC and Channel 4 have won tons over the years. Even ITV got in last year’s book. Canal+ got a pencil this year, etc. etc. etc.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

NOW ART GALLERIES ARE ALSO AWARDS MAGNETS.

The National Gallery got D&AD Gold last year, while Tate Britain and Modern work got a Cannes Grand Prix, Best of Show at the One Show and many others.

HANG ON, I’M NEARLY AT MY POINT.

HERE IT IS…

DOING ADS THAT USE OTHER PEOPLE’S GOOD SHIT IS THE EASIEST WAY TO DO ADS THAT LOTS OF PEOPLE LIKE.

It’s like doing charity ads but without having to enter the category that makes everyone think, ‘Of course it won. Who doesn’t agree that slavery and torture are bad?’ TV channel and art gallery ads allow you to use other people’s good, good, shit to make your stuff look even better. Classic art, sports, the BBC…what’s not to love?

I guess this is an extension of using sports stars and celebrities to sell things: you already like Michael Jordan/Peter Kay/Martin Scorsese, so you’re already halfway to liking this ad.

But TV channels give you something better than that: they allow you to circumvent the BACC because their ads are considered to be part of the programming. You can get away with all sorts of stuff other ads cannot. AND if you do an ad for the BBC you can use virtually any track you want FOR FREE.

Surely I can now rest my case and go back to watching Daily Show repeats on 4OD.

Go crazy. Work for a TV channel.

But remember: keep this top, top tip under your hat.

It seems to run out of steam at the end and some scenes work better than others, but it’s pretty cool.

Good to get George Lucas to loosen his nipple clamps for once.

Have a delightful weekend.

Here are some of the winners of D&AD 2010.

Your opinions are, as always, as welcome as a cat at Crufts:

Two Golds (to go with its multiple Cannes Grands Prix):

TV:

Animation & Use Of Music:

Writing for Advertising and TV (well done, Cam):

Direction:

TV:

Direction (my favourite):

Sound Design:

UPDATE:

Inexcusably I forgot the wonderful promo for Coldplay’s Strawberry Swing that was done by the peerless Shynola. Not sure why it didn’t get a Gold for animation.