If Agencies Were…

Back in the mid-nineties there was a football tournament called Euro 96. It was held in England and had the country on its knees in a drunken stupor until the inevitable exit on penalties at the hands of the Bosh.

This coincided (if my Stella-addled recollection can be relied upon in any way) with a surfeit of Campaign Private Views that compared the ads to footballers. So a Persil ad would be ‘Gareth Southgate, a stalwart centre-back, doing the job without any noticeable flair’; but a Levi’s ad might be ‘Nicky Barmby, light of touch but devastating in the final third’.

This doesn’t seem to happen so much anymore (probably because it was shit), but as I look with rose-tinted spectacles back to that age of innocence, I can’t help feeling there’s a pretty mediocre blog post in this Rizla-thin recollection.

So, for your Friday timewasting delectation, I bring you the UK agencies and their opposite numbers from the world of hip-hop:

AMV: The Beastie Boys. White, middle class, been doing the business for a long time, but just when you think they’ve faded a little, they’re back with a hit.
Mother: Ol’ Dirty Bastard. Unconventional methodology, fine results.
TBWA: Tupac, Biggie, Jam Master Jay. A great past, currently dead but you never know.
Publicis: MC Solaar. Big creative moments rare. French.
Fallon: Jay Z. General standard scarily good.
BMB: Lil’ Wayne. Out of nowhere, getting big fast.
Grey: PM Dawn. Fucking enormous and almost entirely shit. Maybe due a comeback.
W&K: Missy Elliot. Likes to do things differently for the sake of it, but it often comes off.
WCRS: De La Soul. Really nice (biggest hit was in ’89).
BBH. Kanye West. Confidence backed by quality.
JWT: Dr Dre. Huge. Occasionally.
DLKW: Duran Duran’s cover of 911 is a Joke. Memorable, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

Anyway, staying on the theme, I’d estimate that a good 65-70% of you have little time for the fine art of rapping. No problem. For the rest of you: enjoy: