The poignancy of the California Bear hiding his head in shame at the high placing of California in the syphilis charts is brilliantly counterpointed by the stark fact below.

I for one was unaware that syphilis was still a ‘thing’. I would also bet a lot of money that a combination of a large population and a free love ‘vibe’ has placed California near the top of the AIDS and herpes charts.

I await the billboards, possibly with the bear hanging itself in shame.

🙁

The other day a friend of mine posted the Facebook status update: ‘Wedding Today. Hope I haven’t forgotten anything important…’

Of course, what she meant was, ‘I’m going to tell you all I’m getting married today, but I’d better shroud something so self-congratulatory in a self-deprecation’. On the surface the possibility of forgetting something important (which I have no doubt existed and were quite genuine) was a reason for us to feel sorry for her, while we simultaneously logged the information that she’s getting married, and therefore found someone who loves her enough to agree to that, and almost certainly has organised a large and expensive party for the day that will be centred around her.

This, which is a subtle version of the humblebrag, is how many of us now present ourselves on social media; not always in self-deprecation, but always showing our best side, even if that is created with subtle nuances of negativity etc.

Eg:

‘Fucking jetlag again’ (I’ve flown a long way again. Ask me where I am.)

‘Bloody Reggie Watts tickets sold out’ (I’m cool enough to both like Reggie Watts and know that he’s playing a gig soon. But this is an opportunity for one of you to post a YT link to ‘Fuck Shit Stack’ to show you’re as cool as me.)

‘Does anyone know a good sports massage place in Hackney?’ (I work out enough to need a sports massage, and I can afford one.)

I’ll reiterate here that I’m not having a pop at anyone who does this, mainly because we all do it in one way or another, and I certainly fall into that category. By way of illustration (and this was in no way deliberate) I present my last Facebook Status:

Bought a crappy record player, now I need some vinyl to complete the Laurel Canyon hippy vibe. Got Sgt Pepper, Abbey Road, Dark Side Of The Moon, CSN and Rumours (Joni Mitchell on the way). Any other suggestions?

Look at the boasting that runs through that like a stick of rock! I’m into vinyl; I have ‘good’ taste but self-deprecatingly it’s a bit mainstream, so I’m asking for help; I live in Laurel Canyon, but I puncture that by suggesting I’m some kind of ‘hippy’… Subtle nuances all the way. And then it all opens up a thread where other people can help, but if they also want to show off a bit under the guise of helping then that works too (by the way, I fully believe that the people who made suggestions did it out of the altruistic kindness of their hearts; thanks, friends).

But I rarely see tweets about people unable to pay their credit card bill (unless it’s because they just bought a brilliant new coffee table), or waking up feeling like shit (unless they were out clubbing till 5am). Why would we tell anyone something about ourselves that would really give a negative impression? Having said that, going public about something bad you’ve done is another way to look good: it was very brave and honest to admit hitting that car last night, or finishing your flatmate’s much-prized cheesecake because you were stoned (and weren’t you cool, getting stoned?).

Some status updates and tweets are obviously straightforwardly positive – not everything needs self-deprecation to stop it seeming self-aggrandising – but I love decoding (correctly or otherwise) the messages within the messages.

We’re through the looking glass, people, and this is the new normal.

Scorsese on story vs plot (thanks, J):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrkHyvl5NeI

Chinese photoshop lolz (thanks, T).

The craziest record collector on Earth (thanks, J).

David Foster Wallace on what makes a leader:

More excellent DFW on writing and life here (thanks, T).

Gay men draw vaginas.

The ten best tracking shots of all time (thanks, J).

He was only in five films; they were all nominated for Best Picture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmqYiLvrvUM

The Matrix with 8-bit sound is fun:

Freaks (thanks, J):

The science in your favourite sci-fi themes (thanks, H).

I was walking home today when I noticed a bloke wearing Havaianas:

(None of these is the bloke I saw.)

Then it occurred to me that these flip-flops (or thongs for the Australian amongst you. Oddly, Australians also call G-strings ‘thongs’, as do Americans. Stick to flip-flops, guys; we invented the fucking language so you wouldn’t get all snarled up in such confusions) are a great example of a product that is virtually identical to all the others in the category yet seems to have some sort of superiority that exists almost entirely through its branding.

Now, if I were Dave Trott or Rory Sutherland I could analyse seven shades of shit out of this odd set of circumstances, but as it is I’m going to see if I can cobble together some sort of explanation as I watch Good Morning Vietnam at the end of a busy day (RIP Robin):

Their only points of difference are the ‘wishbone’ toe piece (inspired by Japanese geisha sandals) and slightly squashier sole (a closely guarded secret that surely can’t be that hard to emulate). They used to be just like any old flip-flop, but in the 1990s the decision was made to rebrand them as a fashion accessory. A HuffPo article on the subject says:

The label looked to inventive wearers who had long been transforming their bicolour sandals into single colour ones by flipping the white-topped sole over. In 1994, Havaianas introduced a new line of one-shade sandals in black, royal blue, pink and purple.

Suddenly, middle- and upper-class Brazilians who either wouldn’t have been caught dead in Havaianas or donned them exclusively for the short trek from their beachfront apartments to the sand, were snatching them up in multiple shades for all occasions.

People of all classes now wear them on all occasions, from Oscar red carpets to a trip to the beach. In Brazil they remain cheap enough for the less well-off ($5 for a basic pair), whereas they cost 5-6 times that in more interesting colours and richer countries.

But is that it? My own theory suggests that the little Brazilian flag on the toe part was the real stroke of genius: it gave each pair a recognisable branding so as the ubiquity grew it was obvious that these flip-flops were Havaianas, and with no other brands on the market it gave people something to aim for and ask for. Like Converse in its occasional forays to the top of the fashion tree, they became a great opportunity to wear something comfortable and easy on occasions that would otherwise require annoying brogues or heels.

So perhaps it’s a combination of all of the above. I have a pair, and although I snagged them for free I do feel a bit better wearing them than any old pair that might have just cost £3 in Lanzarote. Maybe that’s my deep-seated wish to express to people that I have ‘taste’ and more than £3 to my name.

Whatever it is, the branding has worked on me and hundreds of millions of others across the world. Chances are it’s also worked on you. Why is that?

My friend Sarah is creating an academy for young people:

The What If Academy is committed to every young person on the planet living a life that honours their talents and skills while making a positive contribution to other people.

The initial three-day training course allows young people to explore their way of thinking and acting in life – rather than reacting to it. It maximises their understanding of how to get what they want while positively impacting their communities and the people and things they care about. It teaches them to be powerful yet humble and trains them in how to be inspirational humanitarian leaders, whatever their personal views and interests. It’s based in the UK, but the plan is to expand it to reach young people all over the world!

Once the three-day course is finished, they become What If Academy graduates and get access to weekly seminars. These seminars take place at City Hall for two hours one evening a week. The seminars are ongoing and all young people who have attended the What If Academy’s three-day training course can come.

We need to make sure that this opportunity, which will be free to all young people, has a web presence. If a web developer out there is interested in helping us, by donating their time to get an online presence that is engaging, relevant and would appeal to the most vulnerable young people out there (as well as appealing to potential funders!) please let us know!

Contact: Sarah@whatifacademy.org.uk 07866515522

Sounds good to me. Obv I can’t ‘develop webs’ to save my life, but if you can help do get in touch. (BTW, Sarah is a very brilliant and inspiring person, so you’ll probably get more out of all this than just an opportunity to help young people realise their potential – although that should be a darn cool payback anyway.)

My new job surprisingly involves a new commute. Instead of 15 minutes on a bike I now have 30-60 minutes in a car.

But it ‘s a pleasant journey. There’s 25 minutes of Mulholland Drive:

Followed by 15 minutes of the slightly less pleasant 405 freeway:

Anyway, I now have a couple of hours to ‘kill’, which I obliterate in devastating style by listening to Howard Stern. However, when he starts to get a little dull and the traffic slows sufficiently I actually get out my phone and check Twitter. Yes, I understand that is somewhat crazy and irresponsible behaviour, but it’s OK, I have a quote from Louis CK and and an article from the NY Times to back me up (thanks, W):

“Sometimes when things clear away and you’re not watching anything and you’re in your car and you start going, oh no, here it comes, that I’m alone, and it starts to visit on you, just this sadness,” he said. “And that’s why we text and drive. People are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don’t want to be alone for a second because it’s so hard.”

OK, from my own POV the whole thing feels a bit of a reach. I, like many other people, like to use my phone in quiet moments, but generally this is as a form of entertainment: there are articles and books to be read, amusing links to be clicked on, opinions to disagree with… I also occasionally read while eating breakfast or ‘making stool’. Am I depressed and unable to be alone with my thoughts? I don’t think so. When it comes to the one time I really am alone with my thoughts – i.e. the minutes before I drop off to sleep – I don’t go to dark places. I tend to think nice thoughts about how aspects of my life might become better than they are now. Sure, if I have a problem on my mind I may well try to solve it, but my default mind state isn’t a pit of despair.

Maybe that’s just fine for me and the rest of you are wallowing in an effluence of unending misery. Are you? Do you try to keep the horrors at bay with a few games of Angry Bird or Threes (Threes is really fucking good, BTW)? What about when you make stool or drive a car (or make stool while driving a car – those jams on the 405 can get pretty lengthy, you know)?

Where do you go when you’re (*gulp*) truly alone?

Slug solos (thanks, W).

You’ll be stunned to discover that all Marvel films are basically the same.

Man takes shrooms at ComicCon; hilarity ensues (thanks, T).

What’s it look like to get attacked by a Great White? (Thanks, J.)

Derelict London (thanks, V).

Social media Fails.

Colouring/coloring book for grown ups (thanks, J).

Hang abstract art the right way up (thanks, J).

Excellent Tarantino interview (thanks, J).

Jack Lemmon on writing/Mamet/Glengarry.

Photos of really quite brilliant things.

Runners who’ve made dicks and Space Invaders on Nike+.

Drunk Russian Streetfighter:

New York’s secret underground world:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r52WIrS2An0

Every Samuel L. Jackson ‘Motherfucker’:

Great little animation (thanks, J):

Here’s an Aussie anti-racism ad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvTyI41PvTk

I think the insight of small, incremental damages adding up to something much bigger is good.

But I’m not sure portraying racism is a sneaky man with a deep voice who whispers mean things in your ear is going to make much difference.

Will the joke teller at the end still tell the joke at home?

Will the bloke in the shop never think anyone from a racial minority looks suspicious?

And will the guy in the mall decide not to move an inch away from someone he wasn’t even that close to in the first place?

I get the message that white people shouldn’t appear prejudiced to racial minorities, but there’s no suggestion that the root thoughts or causes of racism should be addressed.

So please, look down on those terrible people; just make sure they don’t know you’re doing it.

Shit. I’ve barely been in LA a week and I’m already on my third US-related post.

Whatevs…

I was walking past a hunormous poster for Guardians of the Galaxy this morning…

…when it occurred to me, for the umpteenth time, that these things must cost a lot of money to make, then even more money to own the poster site for a few weeks. I continued to wonder how that price, for a single site in a single city in a country of 320m people, balances out with the potential income for that movie.

Then, as luck would have it, my musings were answered a few hours later with a handy article from the Hollywood Reporter.

For those of you too busy to read it, the gist is that marketing costs for a big Hollywood movie are pushing $100m in the US, and another $100m for the rest of the world.

That seems crazy, particularly as the movie itself is unlikely to cost that much. It also seems crazy because ‘in 1980, the average cost of marketing a studio movie in the U.S. was $4.3 million ($12.4 million in today’s dollars). By 2007, it had shot up to nearly $36 million. If the MPAA still tracked spending on Prints & Advertising, that number would be north of $40 million today for medium-size films like The Fault in Our Stars or Tammy.’

So WTF?

Well, apparently the main culprit for this is the cost of TV advertising, which has risen enormously in recent years. But, you might ask, with so many more reasonably-priced and better-targeted media choices out there, why not use the other methods and save a few bob?

Interesting question. According to the article and the stats, only TV has the massive reach that these mass-market behemoths need. So far from being dead in any way, TV is the medium the tight, tight bastards of Hollywood will pour hundreds of millions into because no other channel can blast out a gigantic message like it..

If that’s contrary to anything you’ve heard over the last few years, then drink in this delicious proof that TV is the biggest and best medium to communicate a message. If you can afford it, and your target is wide enough to justify it, there is literally no website, social media whatsit or DM thingie that can compete.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ7kWpTrtJw

It’s all fairly pleasant and well shot, but two small points (well, one small and one big. Or maybe two big. Let’s see what you think):

1. I would never have watched it if not for my blogging interest. If I see that a company wants 6 minutes or so of my time I wonder if there’s anything else I’d rather do, and 99999999999999999999999 times out of 100000000000000000000000 I manage to find something; something like searching my navel for errant lint, or having the skin removed from 43% of my body. Hats off to Johnnie Walker for at least trying to pique my interest with a Hollywood star, but they have forgotten the great maxim of Phone Shop: No Man Likes Jude Law (having said that, I did a VO with him last year and he was lovely, so personally speaking, At Least One Man Likes Jude Law).

2. Once you’ve got people through the door, in a plot like this the dance has to be amazing, spellbinding, breathtaking, magical, wonderful and, yes, awe-inspiring. This dance was tepid at best. Not only would I not swap my lovely ‘rarer than rare’ (could they not thinking of something rare that would be better than ‘rare’? The classic ‘rocking horse shit’ has set the bar high, but this is an indulgent little piece that needs commensurate writing, IMHO) boat for that dance, I’d sooner hang on to my navel lint, or even the chance to have a bath with Jeremy Clarkson (not really).

So full marks for effort; medium marks for the final product.