Have you ever wondered why most of the planet doesn’t give quite a big enough shit about global warming?

I mean, we can all see this huge disaster coming, we know what we’re supposed to do to prevent it, and yet we just kind of shrug and feel we can’t really do any more than a bit of recycling (which doesn’t really make any difference anyway).

But why is this the case?

Well, I’ve given it a bit of thought and come to the completely unscientific conclusion that it’s down to branding.

The main name given to the environmental problem is Global Warming, that’s where the whole thing has gone wrong.

‘Global’ just means it happens all over the world, but ‘warming’ is the real problem. Warm is good, we all like warm weather and when we see those maps that show what temperatures will be like in 2035 it seems like much of the world will be a few degrees hotter.

Nice.

Most of the people who are ruining the planet are lucky enough to live in a temperate climate, so making London as warm as St Tropez is something most of us would actually like to contribute to, just as long as it doesn’t come wrapped up with the extinction of the human race.

So here we are sitting in a bath with the hot tap running ever so slowly and few of us are feeling the need to turn it off. Well, that’s us screwed then.

I think we should have gone straight to the American Military on this one. They know that naming things properly makes a huge difference: ‘The War On Terror’ gets you right in the thick of what has to happen… we’re in a motherfucking war, fighting motherfucking terror. That sounds really serious, despite the fact that it’s about as much of an immediate threat as global warming. ‘Operation Desert Storm’? Shit… A storm in a desert! That sums it all up brilliantly, bringing the whole stupid, one-sided farting contest to vivid life in just three words. ‘Norman Schwarzkopf’ is the name of a somewhat nebbish dentist until you add ‘Stormin” to the start of it.

Anyway, we’re stuck with cute, cuddly, not-quite-worth-giving-a-shit-about Global Warming, and that’s the way it’s going to be until we all fry to death in a desert just north of Edinburgh.

(By the way, if any of you wanted to come to the introduction to the Landmark Forum I mentioned a few weeks ago but were unable to make it, there’s another one tonight at 7:30, 203 Eversholt St. Let me know if you want to come (bwmkay@gmail.com) and I’ll see you there.)

Comedy sheep shearing (not even vaguely SFW):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoYiAERXv3s

Fantastic animation for excellent charity (thanks, P):

How did neanderthals speak? (Thanks, W.)

Rock’n’Roll Tedium (thanks, J).

Go out with a smile on your face (thanks, M).

Animated guide to dubstep (thanks, P):

Paper Airplane Distance World Record (thanks, A):

Amazing spill-proof beer (more here; thanks, P):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mv7OhXYThk&feature=youtu.be

Art director meeting notes (thanks, J).

This will put you in a fucking good mood (thanks, W):

The best Twitter feed on earth.

Quit your job in a cool manner (thanks, J).

Check out the secret piss dungeon (thanks, A).

The amazing Wrecking Crew Orchestra:

Ad for the navy from a few years ago:

New Ad for Abbey National Santander:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-5NjgCycV5w

How do you save if you’re a seagull?

Homeless Hotspots (see post below) seem to be getting some people well fucked off and that.

But that article is full of some awfully lazy journalism:

Comments posted to the BBH’s site accused the project of being “unseemly” and “wrong”.

Members of Twitter asked “what has this world come to?” and accused the project of being a “gimmick”.

However, others praised the idea as being “inspirational” and a chance to create a “positive interaction between the public” and homeless people.

‘Others’? ‘Members of Twitter’? ‘Comments’?

Translation: some people, who may or may not be fucking stupid, opinionated morons, said…

Who gives a shit what they said?

I’ll tell you who: The Guardian…

For those of you not in South By Southwest, there’s a bit of an issue going on that’s got a lot of people in quite the tizzy.

Apparently, BBH Labs have given homeless people the opportunity to become mobile hotspots so you can give them a donation and use the internet.

So that’s bad, isn’t it?

Rich white people turning poor black folk into 21st Century tech-slaves. They’re like the cotton pickers of yore, breaking their backs for a meagre wage while the white masser looks down from his antebellum mansion before popping indoors to exercise his droit de seigneur over the poor chap’s missus.

Well, no. It’s not really. The only things that really matter in this world are measurable results in real life. Everything else is in your head, and that includes middle class hipster hand-wringing, outrage at the merciless stripping of dignity, indignation at the ‘exploitation’ of people you’ve never met and all the other emotions that rise up inside you that actually say more about you than about the situation.

Meanwhile, Clarence gets a sandwich and some dude from Goodby’s gets to surf Pornhub while he walks around Austin.

Those are some great measurable results in real life.

I’ve just read this article by Victoria Coren in The Guardian.

It suggests, somewhat disturbingly, that black women are much happier with themselves because mainstream media doesn’t represent them to quite the same extent that they do white women.

So all those pictures of Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis looking perfect are making white women feel bad about themselves, while the far lower number of perfect Tyra Banks and Halle Barry pictures means that black women don’t have the same opportunity to feel like shapeless old bags with no lives.

Shit.

If that’s true then if you’ve ever done an ad with a beautiful person in it, you’ve made someone (possibly lots of people) fundamentally unhappy.

I did an ad with a beautiful person back in ’99. She was a model. They tend to be beautiful. And there was that ad I did with Posh Spice. Is she beautiful? She was quite nice. We had her eating crisps in a bath. She was charming and chatty and ate M&S low fat crisps. I don’t remember much else about it. It was only a morning. Then we did that Walkers ad that never ran where we had to film Simon Cowell and the X-Factor people. He was also very pleasant. Really owned the room when he walked in, though. Smoked like a burnt chimney. Sharon Osbourne was fun. I once had to wait backstage with her and Ozzy while they set up a shoot for the BBC. She told all sorts of salacious stories, mainly involving Judy Finnegan and a bottle of booze. And then there was that time Ricky Gervais did a voiceover for me. Good guy. Even when the (American) client kept trying to get him to do a posher accent he was fine about it. Hang on, what were we talking about again…?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=f5ip2YRfu_A#!

UPDATE: ‘Ivor Script’ has just weighed in with this (37,000 views?????):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7PIgqvAS3So

The world’s dumbest QR codes (thanks, J).

Closely followed by pictures of people scanning QR codes (thanks, V).

The most astounding fact about the universe (thanks, P):

Rickroll your lecturer here, here and here (thanks, P).

Putin’ on the Ritz (thanks, J).

Billy Childish David Cameron posters (thanks, P):

http://www.thestoolpigeon.co.uk/features/gallery-billy-childish-cameron-posters.html

Unintentionally sexual sporting photos (thanks, J).

Howtothinkforyourself.co.uk (thanks, J).

Confrontation in movies (thanks, P):

http://vimeo.com/37865623

The pointless genius of the breadfish (thanks, G).

Who said it, Mitt Romney or Mr. Burns? (Thanks, D.)

Epic pee prank (thanks, P):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7TzPEYci_w&feature=youtu.be

I went to the Creative Circle Awards last night.

In many ways they were as an awards do should be: short on awards, long on drinking, chatting and listening to Paloma Faith.

Talking of whom, I was chatting to Mr. Mark Denton when a strikingly dressed and glamorous lady appeared behind him and proceeded to hover politely, waiting to interject. When she finally got her chance she said to Mark, ‘Hi, you’re Mark Denton. I’ve been told I have to come and talk to you’. I took this is as my cue to chat to Tony Cullingham, and it was only when said lady took to the stage an hour later that I discovered that she was indeed Paloma Faith. What did she say to Mark? I have no idea. Maybe he can enlighten us. (By the way, I have no idea who anyone famous is. I thought I nearly ran down Gok Wan on my bike this morning, but it wasn’t her.)

Anyway, the big winner on the night was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSLOnR1s74o

Creative Circle seems to have binned the Platinum award in favour of a ‘Gold of Golds’, which was won by JL. Hats off to everyone involved. They played it twice. I cried twice. My son is very similar to the boy in the ad, and I’m a right whoopsie, so it was bound to happen.

I was also able to find out CC’s plans for education. Apparently I’m not supposed to talk about them yet, but if they accomplish half of what they’re planning I think we could see some real forward strides in the quality of young people coming through (not that the current lot are bad by any stretch of the imagination – I gave a crit to the third years from Lincoln this week, and they were excellent – but there’s always room for improvement).