If This Is A Blog Then What's Christmas?

How to cheat at dice:

Cosby dubstep (while we’re on the subject, had any of you, like me, forgotten this sitcom even existed? I used to watch it every week and it was by far the biggest show in America for years, but it means nothing to me now. No box sets? Would anyone buy them?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yVLWTsNf_8

25 years of Pixar (thanks, J):

DMX vs the XX:

Ah! This takes me back, especially Kung Fu Master and Cabal. I think the money I’ve put into video games over the years could have kept open all the libraries that are about to be closed (thanks, J):

Another house that looks like Hitler:

Completely unusable stock images (thanks, A).

How not to respond to criticism.

How to get around London by bus (thanks, ALS).

All the fake freeze frame endings for Police Squad.

Bangable Dudes In History.

If a creative wants to change agencies it works thusly: they look across town at who’s producing the best creative work of the moment and wish they worked there. Then they look at their book and  work out if their current misery could be ended by popping across to said hotshop. Then they realise they’re miles away from being able to do that, so they start to consider the next ones down; the Stokes and Villas of the industry. Maybe they’re a little better, maybe they were good a couple of years back and might scale the heights again, maybe they’ve just got a new CD in and it’s looking like a shot in the arm (not of morphine).

Anyway, what it comes down to is the work and whether what you could do somewhere else is better than what you can do where you are. This is because the work is all. Considerations such as the spread of their international network or their position in the Sunday Time Nice Places To Work survey are of minor interest because (unless you want to work in Singapore or free breakfast is really fucking important to you) work is what gets you all the things you want out of your job that I’m sure I don’t have to list.

The problem with this is that by definition there can only be so many good agencies, so there can only be so many good jobs available, so there must be quite a lot of disappointment.

But as far as I understand it, this difficulty does not apply so much for account guys (and people in all other non-creative departments for that matter). I’m not exactly sure what the criteria are for their career moves, but I’d imagine that ‘hottest creative agency in town’ isn’t always number one on their list.

So what is it? Biggest agency? Biggest network? FMCG brand to pad out the portfolio? Working for the current grande fromage in their discipline?

And on what basis are they hired? If they don’t use a portfolio is it all word of mouth? Do they say ‘I was the account guy on Gorilla/John Lewis/Nike’? And if not, is it still admirable to be the account guy on a successful abortion like Cillit Bang?

But loads of them must move. How does it happen, and why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDlaJlb1ezg

Why has no one done this before?

Genius.

Here’s another:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oech5Rpom2g

(If you click through, you’ll find three more that aren’t as good.)

In 2005 I spent an hour having tea with Thierry Henry. As an Arsenal supporter, I found this to be a very pleasant experience.

Pepsi were about to make an ad with Thierry and they had organised an opportunity for the creatives to ask him questions so that they could get some real insight into how best to portray him. Unfortunately, the creatives in question supported West Ham and Manchester United, so they weren’t overly keen to spend an hour with Monsieur Henry (remember, this was a time when Arsenal had gone through an entire season unbeaten, something which may not have endeared its players to the fans of of other teams. I understand how they felt; I would sooner lean my face into a chainsaw than spend an hour with John Terry or Wayne Rooney). So the word went out (I kid you not): who would like to spend an hour having tea with Thierry Henry in a five-star hotel?

Eventually, I got wind of this and generously offered my precious time to acquire the critical information. In order to make sure I didn’t miss anything important I called my friend, a producer at the agency and season ticket holder at Arsenal, and asked if he’d like to join us. Incredibly, he was quite keen.

So we all had a lovely chat and I later mused on the odd days that sometimes occur in advertising agencies.

In marked contrast is this note I once received:

I won’t say who sent it, but I will reveal that the company that worried so much about including a ‘black man’ in their ad no longer exists.

Perhaps that’s a good thing.

Have a look at this talk by JR and see how little it takes (thanks, D).

I guess most of us think that celebs just take the money no matter how shit the script (Marco Pierre White, I’m talking most pointedly about you) and how much it might affect their ‘brand’ (Marco, again, I’m taking about you).

And that’s probably true, and would probably be true about most of us.

But are there any celebrities who have been involved with the best of the best of the best?

Well, I’ve given it some thought, and there is one guy who seems to have managed multiple D&AD Pencils, Best of Show at the One Show and at least one Cannes Grand Prix:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvjoWSGs_5Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqNagYCYp2o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j43sBiQUndo

I have no idea where to find the poster ‘Behind Every Great Goalkeeper Is A Ball From Ian Wright’ or ‘Sayonara Lineker San’.

Yes, I am aware that Mr. Wright also asked us to buy Chicken Tonight in a way that did not trouble the jurors of any advertising awards scheme, but if you know of anyone with a better hit-to-shit ratio, I’d like to hear about it.

If this is how he advertises his agency, just think what he could do for your brand (thanks, S).

How cool is melting ice? Very cool (thanks, K):

And what about the underside of New York City:

Mario in first person mode (thanks, A&E):

What would you rather be doing than watching John Terry lead England (thanks, P)?

Friday by Rebecca Black as interpreted by a bad lip reader (Warning: contains Nazi children):

And last but by no means least, Oli’s defacing (geddit??!1!) of James.

OK, here is a fucking excellent game that will help you while away the hours AND allow you to leave brilliantly thought-out and interesting comments on this blog:

You are the owner of a big-ish company, something like Innocent, and you have an advertising budget of around £5m (fuck knows if that’s anywhere near Innocent’s real budget).

So, under those circumstances, what kind of ad campaign would you create (lots of social media, or are you aware that it’s mainly bollocks that won’t shift a single drop of smoothie? Big 90″ cinema ad? Sponsor the premiership to get all their balls printed with apple designs and Innocent logos?) and, more importantly, which agency would you appoint to the task?

Would you stipulate any conditions, such as asking for a specific team or planner to work on your biz? Would you expect to be lunched and fellated? Perhaps you’d just let the poor bastards get on with it without sticking your fucking oar in. That’d make a nice change, don’t you think?

Anyway, answers on a postcard and all that.

(For what it’s worth, I’d choose Wiedens to do press, posters and TV and I’d insist that Tony and Kim did the ads. No offence to any non-T&K W&K creatives. Maybe I’d also see if Alex and Oli could get me in The Sun with one of their cool ideas.)

I’ve been helping out my friend Alfred at Anomaly with his brilliant project, 1000 Cranes For Japan.

It takes the Japanese tradition of folding origami cranes to be granted a wish, and turns it into a way of showing support and understanding for those poor buggers who have been well fucked up by the tsunami/earthquake.

So in exchange for a donation, you can download one of the patterns done by top illustrators, such as:

Zeitguised

Jeff Metal

And Stuart Patience

Fold ’em up and off you go (I chose the first one).

The campaign has had loads of coverage, including Creativity Online’s pick of the day.

So, brilliant stuff from everyone involved (Unit 9 did the site).

UPDATE: you can consider every donation one in the eye for the planet’s biggest cunt.

I was reading Dave Trott’s blog today.

It’s an excellent post on one of the ways in which awards have become devalued, making them more about congratulation than stimulation.

I’ve lamented the current awards scene here, here, here, here, here, here, here etc.

And it seems obvious to me that the whole shooting match is fucked.

They don’t help creatives, they’ve done nothing to improve the recent standard of the work and they have a fraction of the respect they used to have.

But they keep going, high on the oxygen of cash and pointless circle-jerkification that means nothing and adds nothing to the industry as a whole.

So I think we need to take action.

This blog is intended to test the general opinion of what a boycott might achieve, and indeed what you would like it to achieve.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments section and we’ll work out what to do from there.

Thanks in advance.